Trepidation
My son has Asperger’s Syndrome. At home, he is a loving child but out in the world, he is extremely shy, does not speak unless spoken to and then seems frightened; as if any answer that he gives will be wrong and something that he fears will be punished.
I worry about him. Will he grow out of it? My wife and I have provided him with counseling, therapy, and homeopathic medicines but nothing seems to really help. The counselor is now suggesting putting him on medication. I have been reticent about medicating him but now it seems that we are down to this final solution.
I have always thought that as a nation we are over-medicating our children. That sometimes people are too quick to medicate children to put them in a mold of what children should be. I am scared of side effects and wonder if I would be hurting his natural development. But in the end I realize that he needs help and I should not hold the medication back.
Since my son was very small, he and I have had a little game. I will start out by saying, ‘Who loves ya baby.’ He will reply, ‘You do, Dad.’ Then I will question, ‘Why?’ He will then answer, ‘Because you just do.’ The love between a father and a son is just that. It doesn’t have to have a reason. It’s just there.
I know that I will not always be here. One day my life will end and he will carry on. What kind of man will he be? Will he have grown to have the confidence needed to defend himself from all the world can throw at a person or will he still be that shy child fearful of the world. There lies my trepidation.
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As much as we wonder how our children will turn out, all you can do is your best, each day, each moment. Your son knows you love him. You’ll do what’s best for him. Maybe you should try some medicine. But if that’s not the best, you can adjust. As he grows into a man, your example (of a man) will be with him, even if you can’t directly see that. Long after you’re gone, he’ll remember you. You’re smart, and you care. You can do what you need to do.
Thanks for your kind words. If all goes well this is how life will work out. But things work out of their own accord at times no matter how much care and attention we put into it. - Fuzz
Lolly - November 7, 2007 at 2:33 am
whilst i agree that medication is handed out too freely to our children these days, at least all other avenues have been explored…
there are times in life when we need to hang on to hope for better or for worse…this may simply be one of those times…
and honey, i have no doubt that with the example he has to follow, he’ll turn out fine no matter how rocky the path….
Thanks, I hope you are right. - Fuzz
anonymum - November 7, 2007 at 12:33 pm
Fuzz, you’re a great dad. You speak so highly of your kids and you wonder what kind of man he’ll be ..? He’ll be just like you. He’ll be you. He’ll be a wonderful person.
And if it isn’t too much to ask, can you keep me informed with what/how you son deals if you do decide to take the medication route. My daughter suffers from it too.
Much love to you, Fuzz.
Red - November 15, 2007 at 3:47 am
You do what you can now, Fuzz.
I think you know that anyway.
The time spent with your little guy will mean more than anything in the world somewhere down the road.
My heart goes out to you simply because I know how it feels to want acceptance and love for your child as they spread their wings and go out into the world.
If ever you feel a need to sputter out an email, I’m here for ya.
But you knew that too, didn’t ya?
Keep the faith, bud.
~m
~m - November 27, 2007 at 3:38 am
I agree about the medication, but if you start him on the lowest possible does and you & your wife monitor him, don’t just go by what the professionals say. It may make a tremendous difference & then, it may not change anything.
Regardless of how long you live, you have established love & acceptance in your son’s soul… that won’t fade away. Plus, don’t be writing yourself off so soon!
I would never write myself off but sometimes it seems unrealistic to hope. Things are going well. Hopefully they will continue to do so. - Fuzz
jane - December 11, 2007 at 10:00 am
Fuzz,
I was very touched by the story and especially the situation you find yourself in. As his father, you in the end, have to make the final decision as to how best help your child cope with the world around him. I will pray for you both to find the solution that will be the right solution for your family.
hugs,
Annie
Thank you. - Fuzz
writerchick - March 15, 2008 at 9:12 pm
I’d like to use the image of you and your son for our Father’s Day feature.
It’s really not my image but use it if you like. - Fuzz
Andrea - May 16, 2008 at 8:17 pm